Brandon at Random Reviews

This is going to surprise most of you, but I like Batman quite a bit. From my shower curtain to an absurd amount of wall art, multiple calendars, coin banks, and collectibles in nearly every room of my house, I am surrounded by the only thing I have found that can make me somewhat happy. I’ve read so many comics, watched so many movies and TV shows, seen so many interpretations of this character and I have to say I’ve at least partially enjoyed them all for one reason or another. Clooney is near the bottom of the list but I think that goes without saying. Val Kilmer is underrated, if he had a better movie surrounding him he could’ve been the GOAT. Maybe. Probably not.

The 60s campy Adam West Batman holds a special place in my heart but I have to be in the mood and I grow tired of it quickly. I love the Burton movies with Michael Keaton. The Schumacher movies were pure campy garbage, they were too clean with no grit, but I still somehow enjoy them. The Nolan movies with Christian Bale were my all time favorites, even despite a somewhat flawed finale/final moments. And you know how I felt about BvS.

Robert Pattinson is a guy most people remember from the Twilight movies, whether they’ve seen them or not. I have, and while they’re not great movies, they’re not completely terrible and they’re also not the only fucking movies he’s ever done so don’t act like they need to define his career. The performances he’s had since stand out to me. He has been amazing in many of his more recent movies, despite my not really enjoying the actual movies I enjoyed him in them. Tenet, The Lighthouse, Good Time, The Devil all the Time…not one of these flicks was I a particularly huge fan of, but I enjoyed RP all the same in them. Now I won’t tell you I was stoked when his name came up in the running for the part of the Caped Crusader, but I immediately recognized that it was important not to be judgy and to keep an open mind. In retrospect I would’ve loved if a Jake Gyllenhaal or a young Josh Brolin could’ve been the one in the cape and cowl but too bad, so sad.

I’m not gonna give away the plot to this brand new fucking movie, so I’ll do my best to give you an understanding of what you’re in for without spoiling. First off, Pattinson is immaculate in this film, so are Zoe Kravitz, Jeffrey Wright, Colin Farrell, Paul Dano, and all of the more minor roles, but Battinson stands the fuck out here. He captures the essence of the character quite well for me. Back off haters. I also don’t want to forget to mention Michael Giacchino’s amazingly simplistic and menacing score that serves every scene very well. It really does sound Batman-ish and I applaud that. There are even times when it seems to pay homage to Danny Elfman’s score in Tim Burton’s Batman Returns.

As far as the story goes, we get to see Batman earn his nickname “The World’s Greatest Detective” (kind of) as he works on investigating a lot and keeps things interesting. You definitely want to know what’s going on but I felt like I’d be fucked if someone asked me to figure out what was going on the way they do. Not to say like it doesn’t make sense in the movie, but more like I am very very dumb and can’t piece this type of shit together.

The gadgets are something I enjoyed the ever-loving shit out of. They mostly stick to somewhat practical applications, some cooler than others. They did a nice job tailoring them and fitting them into the scenes. I fucking loved it. The Batmobile, to me, fit the story and the place in the Batman timeline, but I would’ve liked to see a more modified vehicle with some useful gadgets for one thing or another that looked like more of a Batmobile and less like some souped-up muscle car from a Fast and Furious flick.

Now, I don’t want this to sound like this was all sunshine and lollipops, because it wasn’t. This movie seemed like it toed the line between PG-13 and R with its subject matter. On a literal note, it was very dark throughout with exceptionally few seconds of even slight daylight and it rained for a lot of it. I’m not upset about that to be honest, it was just shocking how much darkness we’re talking about here. There were also a lot of great visuals to be seen, nothing as grandiose as The Dark Knight Trilogy, but very spectacular on a more grounded level. Pretty fucking nifty.

On the negative notes. This movie was waaaay too fucking loooooooong. I like, kept thinking, “oh, it’s for sure gonna be almost over now, just a lil wrap up scene then credits roll” but then I kept checking my watch and remembering that the movie was supposed to be just under 3 hours. So calculating the time the movie finally started after 45-60 minutes of commercials and trailers (that started like 10 mins after the advertised showtime) for shit that I didn’t care about because it was not Batman so WHO CARES ABOUT THESE FUCKING MINIONS ON A ROLLER COASTER TELLING ME THE MOVIE’S ABOUT TO START, LIKE JUST FUCKING START IT ALREADY. I was at the movie theater for over 3.5 hours. I know this has been said before, but I’d love movies to stick to around the length of 1977’s Star Wars. They always reference this on this podcast I love called “We Hate Movies”. It’s the perfect length and amount of plot content/characters.

All in all I did really like this flick. I still prefer a handful of other Batman movies, this might be just above middle of the pack. I say check it out, but if you’re not me, you might not like it as much as I did. Who knows? There were definitely some issues weighing this one down, but I’d say there was far more good than bad. Maybe you’ll disagree. Worry not, my love of the Dark Knight is unending and you probably can’t trust my opinion here.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2